J.B. Sommerset

"The Road" (c) 2025 J.B. Sommerset  Welcome back ya'll. This is the story of how I came to be living up here in the woods on this mountain.  To catch up, here's part 6: " "The toilette paper-apocalypse and the lung-butter that comes with it." " And if you need more than that, here is the start of all this, Part 1: "How I wound up on this mountain..."   If you are current, below is Part 7 . I honestly have no idea how long this unrefined drivel will continue. The only way to find out is to continue. Here's where we're at, back in the day, which wasn't that long ago, but feels like it was. It may have been a Tuesday, these things often happen on Tuesdays. In "the day" houses used to be at the very least a little more affordable. You know, "I can afford it now that I'm 40 affordable".   The kind of affordable that you know in 30 years, if you are still alive, you'll have paid off. Just in time to retir...

"The Little Shroom that Could" J.B. Sommerset (c) 2026 Welcome back readers, to the story of how I came to be living up here in the woods on this mountain.  To catch up, here's part 5: " Serious conversations, room mates, and existential dread... " And if you need more than that, here is the start of all this, Part 1: "How I wound up on this mountain..."   If you are current, below is Part 6 . Well, we all know what happened next. The Pandemic, the "VID 19", the cough that stopped the world. If anything, it affirmed why we wanted to move out to the woods and live in a cabin hidden away with the animals.  It all started in the east, the far east, or so we were told. In a wet-market in China. A place where you can buy all kinds of unsavory meats, perishables, and things that can go bad in horrible ways. Chronic, explosive, diarrhea sort of ways. Anyway, some idiot caught the bug that fucked the world up, not sure how accurate that might be. Som...

  Garden Cat Spider (c) 2026 J.B. Sommerset Welcome back readers, to the story of how I came to be living up here in the woods on this mountain. To catch up, here is part 4: " How to get rid of Winnebago prostitutes and Tupperware meth. " And if you need more than that, here is the start of all this, Part 1: "How I wound up on this mountain..."  If you are current, below is Part 5 . After we got rid of "American flag Speedo guy" and his "Winnebago prostitutes", we started having more of those life changing conversations about what we really wanted and how to get there. They were the "long into the middle of the night conversations". We both knew we were no longer happy in our little corner house, and we were also not feeling safe.  Just after the lot was vacated, a drunk driver had been traveling east-bound and flipped his car into the neighbors house. They were okay, but the house had to be repaired leaving them with a boarded up hole ...

"Boozy the Bear" (c) J.B. Sommerset If you want to get caught up on the story so far you can read part 3 here:  "Foils in the yard and meth out back" PART 3 , or if you'd like to start at the beginning you can go here: "How I wound up on this mountain..." PART 1 . Back to the story at hand. Where was I, oh yes, American-flag Speedo guy. It was that summer I discovered the depravity of people and how much they will lie to your face in order to keep a scam going. If some of these people worked as hard at an honest job, like they do at scamming people, they'd have some serious, and well earned cash. But some people just can't put their best foot forward no matter how many opportunities they are given. Their default setting, their prime disposition, just happens to be self sabotage. My wife called these dispositions "personality disorders", and she is qualified say to make such a claim. American flag speedo guy sure couldn't resist a ...

The Lonely Cougar (c) J.B. Sommerset 2026 Continued from PART 2: "Hey hon... some dude tried to stab me out in the yard, is our insurance up to date?" Over the next few weeks we talked a lot about that old dream. The one where we sell most of our things and move to the woods. A dream in which get away from it all and make a new life with the wild animals and the trees. We were still kind of joking about it, but also kind of not joking.  After the tattooed miscreant had tried to stab me, "the dream" became a standard conversation in our house. One that got more and more attention as the world became "enshittified" under the Tangerine Mussolini's first attempt at ruining the world. At the time, it wasn't going too good for his diapered ass. Congress and his own incompetence had stifled his forward momentum. But that didn't mean things were hunky-dory, all "gorsh and good times" and shit. No, they were far from that. Most people could fe...

  "Moose and calf" J.B. Sommerset (c) 2025 Continued from Part 1: "How I wound up on this mountain..." We used to live in the city, back so long ago on that proverbial Tuesday I previously referred to. This story actually starts then, in 2016. I and my wife had just sold our previous house. We got bored and decided to start over again in a smaller more manageable house with less electrical issues, newer plumbing and a bigger yard. But also, we wanted a nicer neighborhood. At first, that little place had everything we wanted.   We bought that small house on a busy street corner. When I think back to how much we paid for that house I get a little teary eyed. It was in the "before times". Our mortgage was $700.00 a month. This was pre-COVID, things were better back then. However, at the time, the mortgage on the new place was more than the place we left, mostly because it was a double lot with a detached shop in the back. For the most part we were doing alri...